Brilliant question, Mika! And I love your book club idea.
For me, I’ve wanted to leave my full-time job for about a year to fully focus on an idea that I’ve had for a different career path. It took me nine months to pluck up the courage to hand my notice in, I’ve worked my three-month notice period, and I leave next week!
All this time I’ve been fearful of making the wrong decision. What if my idea doesn’t work? What if I run out of money? What if I can’t find another job again?
It wasn’t until I heard someone say “Make a decision and then make it right” that I went for it.
What a good question. Which means, hell yes! you are Better than good enough, and who says that you do suck? Life is such a carnival, and so much relies on our own self-concept. You're far out and fine, Mika. You got this.
I think we are so used to seeing the very best out on show (olympics, models, published books), we need to see more of the beginning and middle, not just the end. So that we can normalise that it's not sucking or not sucking, it's giving it a go - that's where true bravery lies!
It’s gotta be about you. Your bravery, your courage, your willingness to step out there. It’s no small feat, but ‘fortune favors the brave.’ We all have it in us, sometimes gotta dig deep and fear not. It is there (and personally speaking—you got it).
Sooooo much to pull from this amazing piece Mika. I dream of walking away from my day job but I am 100% standing in my own way ... Mostly, I guess because of the unknown!
Also Big Magic has been on my book shelf all year, every month I intend to pick it up and still haven't. Perhaps you are right, it will come to me at the right time ! Thank you for this, as always so thought provoking 🙏
What wonderful writing Mika. You have phrased it perfectly. Trying and failing it's something that kids do without a second thought but as adults we become far more reticent don't we? In all things - whether public or private. For the longest time I didn't want to spend time crocheting as I was a novice and I didn't like how my pieces turned out. I wanted them nice and perfect, like my knitting was (something I'd done for years). It was only when I was willing to embrace the wonky granny squares that I actually got better and learned new skills.
I like that you were on the race track and went with it even when you felt embarrassed. This made me remember the spotlight effect, and that no one is really thinking about us they way we think they are. But even if they are, and so what? I can relate to a couple of the fears you listed but more to the fear of upsetting family and embarrassing peers and coworkers. And I tell you, the fear of being too fat is legit! Thanks for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. The spotlight effect sounds spot on! When I was in Zumba, I’m too busy trying to follow the instructor to worry about what people around me are doing. We have such amazing imaginations!
You're the second person this week I've seen mention the Spotlight effect. I'd never heard of it before but it sums it up so well. That paralysing feeling of 'what will everyone think', when in reality they are probably not even noticing you
Yes, I also think the concept captures it all. That feeling we all feel sometimes, like the whole world is watching us, meanwhile, people are busy facing their own issues.
I did not expect to read about you on the race track! That's awesome. 🙌🙌
I'm a risk-taker, but it comes from wanting to be funny and make people laugh, so I often fall on my face. I was also in theatre, and now I live abroad, which teaches you humility and that making an ass out of yourself while you try to speak the language is just going to be the way it is. 😂 It get easier though!
So much of writing about our personal lives in not just the fear of sucking, but the fear we will get told something in our experience is incorrect and by extension we are incorrect (or at least I feel that way)
Every master was once a disaster… I love that. We have to admit we will fail, and that frees us up to try new things and learn from whatever failures may come from that.
Now here is something to put me to shame - a graphic designer writing so much better than someone who calls herself a writer (i.e. me). My only solace could be that I can make better graphics than her (which will be never). Really enjoyed reading this Mika, it’s soul warming.
It can be difficult to craft a newsletter, only to feel like the headline lets it down. So it can take a bit of time, but when I find it, it’s super satisfying! Like this week’s newsletter. It took a lot of iterations - but when I finally chose “ultimate guide for mid-year planning”, it felt really good.
Thanks for this post - I love the title! Very timely reminder as I just quit my super comfortable job (been there 10 years) to finish my half-written writing projects. I’m choosing to challenge my limiting beliefs and fears of rejection and failure. I started writing in 2019 and had lots of momentum and patron support until the pandemic and a surprise pregnancy! With so much change in one go, I burnt out and took a 2 year break from writing. I feel like I let all my patrons down when I couldn’t reach my goals (no one ever said it - it was my inner critic that I disappointed the most, and have felt like a failure ever since. This year, I took the courage to ask one of my patrons whether they would trust me if I was to return to writing. He said he would trust me even more because he respects someone who gets back up after falling down, and that resilience and grit is so important. His words changed my mindset, and gave me the push to take a risk again! 🙌🏻
What a journey you’ve been on! Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes when things don’t turn out like I think they would, I try and tell myself it’s all part of my “plot” or my story. The more twists and turns the more interesting to the reader right! 😅
Fab post, Mika! And a timely read for me as I have feeling out of sorts. I believe that this out of sorts feeling is related to a bunch of insecurities about my writing (both here and elsewhere). I am moving through it now, but as you say, sometimes it's important to notice the fear and explore where that might be coming from. And then you can move on!
I’m so glad it was timely! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling out of sorts. I know what that’s like. It’s quite unsettling. I’m glad you’re moving through it and that delving into where it’s coming from. 💕
Big Magic is among the most treasured reads on my rather large shelf and you are correct, it came to me at the most perfect time.
I grew up with parents who lived by the motto "You will never know unless you try". That fearlessness instilled in me an adventurous drive that often leads to amazing places in life. Your post was inspiring for me today. I am tip toeing into Substack and renewing my love for writing (not just slapping up a FB post) It's scary, awkward and exciting all at once.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a beautiful way today. You are brave beyond your words for doing that. <3
I love this! I recently went for a rally driving day, and was terrified beforehand. Partly because I’ve never done anything like it before, and partly because there’s a group of people I don’t know who will be watching. You’re meant to skid the car, to swing around corners at speed and essentially never drive in a straight line. By the end of the day, other than being exhausted, I was not afraid anymore to spin the car, I was driving into corners with confidence and just experimenting to see if I pressed the accelerator here rather than there, would I skid around that whole loop? It was brilliant and I highly recommend it. There was a moment in my mind where I just went ‘ah f*ck it, what’s the worst that could happen?’ I came last in the little competition, slowest driver, but absolutely did not give two hoots.
The first part of the day though is getting over that fear of ‘if I skid the car, I will crash and get hurt’. I have a strong sense of self-preservation (understandable 😂) so it was fun pushing that, and then getting in a much faster car to go out on the real rally track which has cliffs and trees and other things to terrify me - and I bloody LOVED it.
What fears are holding me back right now? Mine all go back to not feeling good enough. I’m facing it only a little with my writing, right now; I’ve found Substack to be one of the most liberating spaces I’ve ever been in. But with my day job, that fear is a daily presence. It’s awful and horrid, and turns me into a really lethargic, uncaring person.
Mika, I would love for your group/workbook/book club to be a thing and I will happily support in any way I can 😁 Big Magic is indeed awesome. I have found strong links in it with The Way of the Fearless Writer which, if you haven’t read it, please do. There are so many beautiful little links between the two.
My husband would LOVE to do Rally Driving! That’s so neat that beginners get a chance to do it! A lot different that track driving. We definitely didn’t do any drifting. 😄
I’m sorry that there is fear in your day job, that must be so so tough. This is your new job right?
If you can, do it. It’s brilliant fun! We’re lucky, we’re in a place that’s quite good for rallying and my dearest and his dad have done it in competitions in the past. There’s a good school who actually train navigators and drivers not far from us. They’re so good. Made everyone feel so at ease. It’s made me more confident as a driver generally!
Thankfully no - I’m still in the job I’m leaving. Another 6 weeks or so and I’m done.
Let’s celebrate when you leave! I just dropped off some bubbly and chocolates to a friend who just changed jobs after years and years. It definitely needs to be celebrated!
As a 20 year old... I'm afraid of failing and letting myself down. I used to write when I was a teen, Idk why I stopped but I decided to get back to it and start writing on ig, started football writing on twitter, and it's been a very very very slow growth and I keep thinking to myself that maybe I'm not good enough like all those people whose accounts are taking off in days, but after reading this I'm proud that I was brave enough to put myself out there and I might suck rn, but who cares, I'll keep writing till I become the best. Thank you Mika!
Who knows that twists and turns are ahead of you and what lies ahead, but life must be richer because you are following your passion of writing! 💕
All the best for you Foi! I’m sure there are a lot of writers on Substack that wished they picked up writing again in their 20s instead of waiting until their 30s or 40s. 💕
Mika, I loved “Big Magic”. It was one of those life-changing steps toward bravery and knowing myself. Do you know Liz Gilbert had a podcast about it? She would call people who were “ stuck” and help them move through toward their creativity and passions. I think it was called “Lessons in Big Magic”. I loved it!
Absolutely! I think that’s why it’s been so great to stretch myself in different areas this year. I’m getting used to being the beginner….I just need to do it for the things I feel MOST passionately about. 😊
Brilliant question, Mika! And I love your book club idea.
For me, I’ve wanted to leave my full-time job for about a year to fully focus on an idea that I’ve had for a different career path. It took me nine months to pluck up the courage to hand my notice in, I’ve worked my three-month notice period, and I leave next week!
All this time I’ve been fearful of making the wrong decision. What if my idea doesn’t work? What if I run out of money? What if I can’t find another job again?
It wasn’t until I heard someone say “Make a decision and then make it right” that I went for it.
Hayley! I so know how you feel. I'm so so very excited for you. All the best for this next chapter. I look forward to reading about it. 💕
Oh thank you so much!
What a good question. Which means, hell yes! you are Better than good enough, and who says that you do suck? Life is such a carnival, and so much relies on our own self-concept. You're far out and fine, Mika. You got this.
You're so right! It's the perspective right!!
I think we are so used to seeing the very best out on show (olympics, models, published books), we need to see more of the beginning and middle, not just the end. So that we can normalise that it's not sucking or not sucking, it's giving it a go - that's where true bravery lies!
It’s gotta be about you. Your bravery, your courage, your willingness to step out there. It’s no small feat, but ‘fortune favors the brave.’ We all have it in us, sometimes gotta dig deep and fear not. It is there (and personally speaking—you got it).
Gahhh thank you. Can I keep you in my back pocket for whenever I need a pep talk?!? You're awesome at it!!
Sooooo much to pull from this amazing piece Mika. I dream of walking away from my day job but I am 100% standing in my own way ... Mostly, I guess because of the unknown!
Also Big Magic has been on my book shelf all year, every month I intend to pick it up and still haven't. Perhaps you are right, it will come to me at the right time ! Thank you for this, as always so thought provoking 🙏
If only we could get paid exactly the same for have fun conversations on Substack! I would take that job! 💕
What wonderful writing Mika. You have phrased it perfectly. Trying and failing it's something that kids do without a second thought but as adults we become far more reticent don't we? In all things - whether public or private. For the longest time I didn't want to spend time crocheting as I was a novice and I didn't like how my pieces turned out. I wanted them nice and perfect, like my knitting was (something I'd done for years). It was only when I was willing to embrace the wonky granny squares that I actually got better and learned new skills.
Thanks for sharing your story Louise, so relatable. I love a good wonky granny square. 😊
By the way, I saw a young person sitting on a bench by the ocean knitting. Love that!
Oh, how fabulous. I'm not near the ocean but if I was you can bet I'd take my knitting with me.
I like that you were on the race track and went with it even when you felt embarrassed. This made me remember the spotlight effect, and that no one is really thinking about us they way we think they are. But even if they are, and so what? I can relate to a couple of the fears you listed but more to the fear of upsetting family and embarrassing peers and coworkers. And I tell you, the fear of being too fat is legit! Thanks for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. The spotlight effect sounds spot on! When I was in Zumba, I’m too busy trying to follow the instructor to worry about what people around me are doing. We have such amazing imaginations!
You're the second person this week I've seen mention the Spotlight effect. I'd never heard of it before but it sums it up so well. That paralysing feeling of 'what will everyone think', when in reality they are probably not even noticing you
Yes, I also think the concept captures it all. That feeling we all feel sometimes, like the whole world is watching us, meanwhile, people are busy facing their own issues.
I did not expect to read about you on the race track! That's awesome. 🙌🙌
I'm a risk-taker, but it comes from wanting to be funny and make people laugh, so I often fall on my face. I was also in theatre, and now I live abroad, which teaches you humility and that making an ass out of yourself while you try to speak the language is just going to be the way it is. 😂 It get easier though!
I love that!! Getting up on stage would flex those muscles for sure!!
Guess what, in the briefing room for the amateurs , I was the only female! 😄
Have you always been a risk-taker?
That’s a good question, Mika. I don’t know. My mom told me that I used to eat moth balls from the closet, does that count? 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha reminds me of my daughter who used to eat play dough and she has a real go-get-'em, figuring it out as I go along attitude. 😄
So much of writing about our personal lives in not just the fear of sucking, but the fear we will get told something in our experience is incorrect and by extension we are incorrect (or at least I feel that way)
Every master was once a disaster… I love that. We have to admit we will fail, and that frees us up to try new things and learn from whatever failures may come from that.
Every master was once a disaster, I love that
I know that we have to be careful of the words we tell ourselves and let other's tell us.
I think it can run our lives and keep from putting ourselves out there.
I wish we didn't need such a thick skin. Maybe we just need better ear plugs to silence all that noise and trust ourselves and our own journey.
Now here is something to put me to shame - a graphic designer writing so much better than someone who calls herself a writer (i.e. me). My only solace could be that I can make better graphics than her (which will be never). Really enjoyed reading this Mika, it’s soul warming.
Your comment is so so lovely! Thank you so much! You’re the best!
This is a very good title for a post.
Thank you. I played around with.A LOT of versions. It felt like an accurate description of the monkey on my back that I’m trying to get off.
I feel you, Mika. Sometimes as a writer, we keep iterating to find the right set of words to depict the true essence. I appreciate that :)
It can be difficult to craft a newsletter, only to feel like the headline lets it down. So it can take a bit of time, but when I find it, it’s super satisfying! Like this week’s newsletter. It took a lot of iterations - but when I finally chose “ultimate guide for mid-year planning”, it felt really good.
Thanks for this post - I love the title! Very timely reminder as I just quit my super comfortable job (been there 10 years) to finish my half-written writing projects. I’m choosing to challenge my limiting beliefs and fears of rejection and failure. I started writing in 2019 and had lots of momentum and patron support until the pandemic and a surprise pregnancy! With so much change in one go, I burnt out and took a 2 year break from writing. I feel like I let all my patrons down when I couldn’t reach my goals (no one ever said it - it was my inner critic that I disappointed the most, and have felt like a failure ever since. This year, I took the courage to ask one of my patrons whether they would trust me if I was to return to writing. He said he would trust me even more because he respects someone who gets back up after falling down, and that resilience and grit is so important. His words changed my mindset, and gave me the push to take a risk again! 🙌🏻
What a journey you’ve been on! Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes when things don’t turn out like I think they would, I try and tell myself it’s all part of my “plot” or my story. The more twists and turns the more interesting to the reader right! 😅
Fab post, Mika! And a timely read for me as I have feeling out of sorts. I believe that this out of sorts feeling is related to a bunch of insecurities about my writing (both here and elsewhere). I am moving through it now, but as you say, sometimes it's important to notice the fear and explore where that might be coming from. And then you can move on!
Here's to more awkwardness!
I’m so glad it was timely! I’m sorry you’ve been feeling out of sorts. I know what that’s like. It’s quite unsettling. I’m glad you’re moving through it and that delving into where it’s coming from. 💕
Big Magic is among the most treasured reads on my rather large shelf and you are correct, it came to me at the most perfect time.
I grew up with parents who lived by the motto "You will never know unless you try". That fearlessness instilled in me an adventurous drive that often leads to amazing places in life. Your post was inspiring for me today. I am tip toeing into Substack and renewing my love for writing (not just slapping up a FB post) It's scary, awkward and exciting all at once.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts in such a beautiful way today. You are brave beyond your words for doing that. <3
What a gift to have parents who instilled that motto in you! 🎁
If it’s scary, awkward and exciting, that must be a good sign! 💕
I love this! I recently went for a rally driving day, and was terrified beforehand. Partly because I’ve never done anything like it before, and partly because there’s a group of people I don’t know who will be watching. You’re meant to skid the car, to swing around corners at speed and essentially never drive in a straight line. By the end of the day, other than being exhausted, I was not afraid anymore to spin the car, I was driving into corners with confidence and just experimenting to see if I pressed the accelerator here rather than there, would I skid around that whole loop? It was brilliant and I highly recommend it. There was a moment in my mind where I just went ‘ah f*ck it, what’s the worst that could happen?’ I came last in the little competition, slowest driver, but absolutely did not give two hoots.
The first part of the day though is getting over that fear of ‘if I skid the car, I will crash and get hurt’. I have a strong sense of self-preservation (understandable 😂) so it was fun pushing that, and then getting in a much faster car to go out on the real rally track which has cliffs and trees and other things to terrify me - and I bloody LOVED it.
What fears are holding me back right now? Mine all go back to not feeling good enough. I’m facing it only a little with my writing, right now; I’ve found Substack to be one of the most liberating spaces I’ve ever been in. But with my day job, that fear is a daily presence. It’s awful and horrid, and turns me into a really lethargic, uncaring person.
Mika, I would love for your group/workbook/book club to be a thing and I will happily support in any way I can 😁 Big Magic is indeed awesome. I have found strong links in it with The Way of the Fearless Writer which, if you haven’t read it, please do. There are so many beautiful little links between the two.
My husband would LOVE to do Rally Driving! That’s so neat that beginners get a chance to do it! A lot different that track driving. We definitely didn’t do any drifting. 😄
I’m sorry that there is fear in your day job, that must be so so tough. This is your new job right?
If you can, do it. It’s brilliant fun! We’re lucky, we’re in a place that’s quite good for rallying and my dearest and his dad have done it in competitions in the past. There’s a good school who actually train navigators and drivers not far from us. They’re so good. Made everyone feel so at ease. It’s made me more confident as a driver generally!
Thankfully no - I’m still in the job I’m leaving. Another 6 weeks or so and I’m done.
Let’s celebrate when you leave! I just dropped off some bubbly and chocolates to a friend who just changed jobs after years and years. It definitely needs to be celebrated!
Let’s! I will most certainly be celebrating. I’m fairly certain the entire street will know I’m celebrating 🥳
I cannot express how much I am looking forward to getting out of it!
As a 20 year old... I'm afraid of failing and letting myself down. I used to write when I was a teen, Idk why I stopped but I decided to get back to it and start writing on ig, started football writing on twitter, and it's been a very very very slow growth and I keep thinking to myself that maybe I'm not good enough like all those people whose accounts are taking off in days, but after reading this I'm proud that I was brave enough to put myself out there and I might suck rn, but who cares, I'll keep writing till I become the best. Thank you Mika!
Who knows that twists and turns are ahead of you and what lies ahead, but life must be richer because you are following your passion of writing! 💕
All the best for you Foi! I’m sure there are a lot of writers on Substack that wished they picked up writing again in their 20s instead of waiting until their 30s or 40s. 💕
Mika, I loved “Big Magic”. It was one of those life-changing steps toward bravery and knowing myself. Do you know Liz Gilbert had a podcast about it? She would call people who were “ stuck” and help them move through toward their creativity and passions. I think it was called “Lessons in Big Magic”. I loved it!
No, I didn’t know she had a podcasts about it!! That’s epic. I will go on a hunt to check it out. Thank you so much. 💕
It’s amazing what getting comfortable being uncomfortable can do for personal growth.
Absolutely! I think that’s why it’s been so great to stretch myself in different areas this year. I’m getting used to being the beginner….I just need to do it for the things I feel MOST passionately about. 😊