Brilliant question, Mika! And I love your book club idea.
For me, I’ve wanted to leave my full-time job for about a year to fully focus on an idea that I’ve had for a different career path. It took me nine months to pluck up the courage to hand my notice in, I’ve worked my three-month notice period, and I leave next week!
All this time I’ve been fearful of making the wrong decision. What if my idea doesn’t work? What if I run out of money? What if I can’t find another job again?
It wasn’t until I heard someone say “Make a decision and then make it right” that I went for it.
What a good question. Which means, hell yes! you are Better than good enough, and who says that you do suck? Life is such a carnival, and so much relies on our own self-concept. You're far out and fine, Mika. You got this.
I think we are so used to seeing the very best out on show (olympics, models, published books), we need to see more of the beginning and middle, not just the end. So that we can normalise that it's not sucking or not sucking, it's giving it a go - that's where true bravery lies!
It’s gotta be about you. Your bravery, your courage, your willingness to step out there. It’s no small feat, but ‘fortune favors the brave.’ We all have it in us, sometimes gotta dig deep and fear not. It is there (and personally speaking—you got it).
Sooooo much to pull from this amazing piece Mika. I dream of walking away from my day job but I am 100% standing in my own way ... Mostly, I guess because of the unknown!
Also Big Magic has been on my book shelf all year, every month I intend to pick it up and still haven't. Perhaps you are right, it will come to me at the right time ! Thank you for this, as always so thought provoking 🙏
What wonderful writing Mika. You have phrased it perfectly. Trying and failing it's something that kids do without a second thought but as adults we become far more reticent don't we? In all things - whether public or private. For the longest time I didn't want to spend time crocheting as I was a novice and I didn't like how my pieces turned out. I wanted them nice and perfect, like my knitting was (something I'd done for years). It was only when I was willing to embrace the wonky granny squares that I actually got better and learned new skills.
I like that you were on the race track and went with it even when you felt embarrassed. This made me remember the spotlight effect, and that no one is really thinking about us they way we think they are. But even if they are, and so what? I can relate to a couple of the fears you listed but more to the fear of upsetting family and embarrassing peers and coworkers. And I tell you, the fear of being too fat is legit! Thanks for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. The spotlight effect sounds spot on! When I was in Zumba, I’m too busy trying to follow the instructor to worry about what people around me are doing. We have such amazing imaginations!
You're the second person this week I've seen mention the Spotlight effect. I'd never heard of it before but it sums it up so well. That paralysing feeling of 'what will everyone think', when in reality they are probably not even noticing you
Yes, I also think the concept captures it all. That feeling we all feel sometimes, like the whole world is watching us, meanwhile, people are busy facing their own issues.
I did not expect to read about you on the race track! That's awesome. 🙌🙌
I'm a risk-taker, but it comes from wanting to be funny and make people laugh, so I often fall on my face. I was also in theatre, and now I live abroad, which teaches you humility and that making an ass out of yourself while you try to speak the language is just going to be the way it is. 😂 It get easier though!
So much of writing about our personal lives in not just the fear of sucking, but the fear we will get told something in our experience is incorrect and by extension we are incorrect (or at least I feel that way)
Every master was once a disaster… I love that. We have to admit we will fail, and that frees us up to try new things and learn from whatever failures may come from that.
So many things resonate with me - I'm constantly trying to avoid opportunities for embarrassment (but also for growth, of course), feeling awkward or sucking at anything. And the Big Magic list of fears... I could def subscribe to most of them, alas. Add to all this the fact that I'm a total Substack newbie, still figuring out how notes differ from posts (!) and there you go, you just wrote out loud what I've been ruminating on for days.
What do I fear the most? I fear not succeeding. I fear what if I'm stuck here the rest of my life. So that fear has paralyzed me to give a full effort. This year it's been a lot of tipping my toes in instead of jumping right now and staying in. But I know that fear is only in my mind. I know that fear isn't true. So that's what I'm working on right now.
This was a fantastic post and exactly what I needed to read to get me excited to start creating today.
I think my biggest fear and what stalls me the most is thinking someone else has already done it and done it better. I used to spend hours scrolling through socials seeing what all my colleagues had achieved and telling myself there was no point trying because there was no way I would be able to do it better.
I have found the antidote is to avoid all social media, which it turns out has been healthier for me in so many different ways. Being able to pop on substack instead and read relatable and encouraging posts like this is such a relief, so thank you. Today I am going to be brave enough to suck.
I read BIG MAGIC many years ago and though I know its wisdom, I find that it's *still* so challenging to practice as a writer.
Every time I click "Publish" over on my Substack (Human/Mother), I feel like I'm diving through the sky, frantically looking for the button to release my parachute.
It's the love and encouragement from readers-their likes, comments, messages-that help me find my feet on the ground again and is the fuel that keeps me seeking for that adventure, that vulnerability, that freedom.
I pressed "Publish" last night on this one and am still freefalling:
For years, I avoided being scared of anything, and then I married a man with "Sine Metu" tattooed down his rib cage. It means "Without fear". And while it has always been the mantra of his life, it became a bit of a tease for mine too. What would it look like to operate without fear - of repercussions, of reactions, of failure. Frankly, I still suck at it for the most part, but I've built a small, but not silent muscle that seems to be growing. So, I love your question and your share.
What am I scared to suck at? I've always wanted to start a podcast, but I know how much work it is and how hard it is to attract an audience, and how much money it takes to sustain. More than all of that, I'm just afraid no one would listen, which might crush me.
Exactly! Like is there protein powder or creatine or something for the failure muscle? I could use an accelerant. 🤣 Thank you for the suggestion! I will definitely check out Anna’s with and commit to at least getting curious 👀 about What it might be to put my voice out there.
Oooh…the fizzle. That’s tough. I feel like maybe what I need is pre workout. I psyche myself out before I ever even get started. Thanks for the promise of support!
Wow Mika, it's like you've gotten in my head and written down some of what the little voices whisper to me 😄
I struggle immensely with not being perfect in anything I do, and it's been a huge barrier to discovering the things I enjoy sooner. It is uncomfortable to be bad at something, but we all have to start somewhere, thanks for sharing this beautiful piece! 😊
Now here is something to put me to shame - a graphic designer writing so much better than someone who calls herself a writer (i.e. me). My only solace could be that I can make better graphics than her (which will be never). Really enjoyed reading this Mika, it’s soul warming.
It can be difficult to craft a newsletter, only to feel like the headline lets it down. So it can take a bit of time, but when I find it, it’s super satisfying! Like this week’s newsletter. It took a lot of iterations - but when I finally chose “ultimate guide for mid-year planning”, it felt really good.
Brilliant question, Mika! And I love your book club idea.
For me, I’ve wanted to leave my full-time job for about a year to fully focus on an idea that I’ve had for a different career path. It took me nine months to pluck up the courage to hand my notice in, I’ve worked my three-month notice period, and I leave next week!
All this time I’ve been fearful of making the wrong decision. What if my idea doesn’t work? What if I run out of money? What if I can’t find another job again?
It wasn’t until I heard someone say “Make a decision and then make it right” that I went for it.
Hayley! I so know how you feel. I'm so so very excited for you. All the best for this next chapter. I look forward to reading about it. 💕
Oh thank you so much!
Congratulations on both making the decision, and taking the first steps to make it right. Rooting for you and your idea!
This is so kind, Jess. Thank you!
What a good question. Which means, hell yes! you are Better than good enough, and who says that you do suck? Life is such a carnival, and so much relies on our own self-concept. You're far out and fine, Mika. You got this.
You're so right! It's the perspective right!!
I think we are so used to seeing the very best out on show (olympics, models, published books), we need to see more of the beginning and middle, not just the end. So that we can normalise that it's not sucking or not sucking, it's giving it a go - that's where true bravery lies!
It’s gotta be about you. Your bravery, your courage, your willingness to step out there. It’s no small feat, but ‘fortune favors the brave.’ We all have it in us, sometimes gotta dig deep and fear not. It is there (and personally speaking—you got it).
Gahhh thank you. Can I keep you in my back pocket for whenever I need a pep talk?!? You're awesome at it!!
Sooooo much to pull from this amazing piece Mika. I dream of walking away from my day job but I am 100% standing in my own way ... Mostly, I guess because of the unknown!
Also Big Magic has been on my book shelf all year, every month I intend to pick it up and still haven't. Perhaps you are right, it will come to me at the right time ! Thank you for this, as always so thought provoking 🙏
If only we could get paid exactly the same for have fun conversations on Substack! I would take that job! 💕
What wonderful writing Mika. You have phrased it perfectly. Trying and failing it's something that kids do without a second thought but as adults we become far more reticent don't we? In all things - whether public or private. For the longest time I didn't want to spend time crocheting as I was a novice and I didn't like how my pieces turned out. I wanted them nice and perfect, like my knitting was (something I'd done for years). It was only when I was willing to embrace the wonky granny squares that I actually got better and learned new skills.
Thanks for sharing your story Louise, so relatable. I love a good wonky granny square. 😊
By the way, I saw a young person sitting on a bench by the ocean knitting. Love that!
Oh, how fabulous. I'm not near the ocean but if I was you can bet I'd take my knitting with me.
I like that you were on the race track and went with it even when you felt embarrassed. This made me remember the spotlight effect, and that no one is really thinking about us they way we think they are. But even if they are, and so what? I can relate to a couple of the fears you listed but more to the fear of upsetting family and embarrassing peers and coworkers. And I tell you, the fear of being too fat is legit! Thanks for sharing this.
You’re so welcome. The spotlight effect sounds spot on! When I was in Zumba, I’m too busy trying to follow the instructor to worry about what people around me are doing. We have such amazing imaginations!
You're the second person this week I've seen mention the Spotlight effect. I'd never heard of it before but it sums it up so well. That paralysing feeling of 'what will everyone think', when in reality they are probably not even noticing you
Yes, I also think the concept captures it all. That feeling we all feel sometimes, like the whole world is watching us, meanwhile, people are busy facing their own issues.
I did not expect to read about you on the race track! That's awesome. 🙌🙌
I'm a risk-taker, but it comes from wanting to be funny and make people laugh, so I often fall on my face. I was also in theatre, and now I live abroad, which teaches you humility and that making an ass out of yourself while you try to speak the language is just going to be the way it is. 😂 It get easier though!
I love that!! Getting up on stage would flex those muscles for sure!!
Guess what, in the briefing room for the amateurs , I was the only female! 😄
Have you always been a risk-taker?
That’s a good question, Mika. I don’t know. My mom told me that I used to eat moth balls from the closet, does that count? 🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha reminds me of my daughter who used to eat play dough and she has a real go-get-'em, figuring it out as I go along attitude. 😄
So much of writing about our personal lives in not just the fear of sucking, but the fear we will get told something in our experience is incorrect and by extension we are incorrect (or at least I feel that way)
Every master was once a disaster… I love that. We have to admit we will fail, and that frees us up to try new things and learn from whatever failures may come from that.
Every master was once a disaster, I love that
I know that we have to be careful of the words we tell ourselves and let other's tell us.
I think it can run our lives and keep from putting ourselves out there.
I wish we didn't need such a thick skin. Maybe we just need better ear plugs to silence all that noise and trust ourselves and our own journey.
I've already written about how timely one musing of yours was for me, and I'd say the same for this one, and the lovely welcoming intro here https://musingsbymika.substack.com/p/welcome-thrilled-youre-here.
So many things resonate with me - I'm constantly trying to avoid opportunities for embarrassment (but also for growth, of course), feeling awkward or sucking at anything. And the Big Magic list of fears... I could def subscribe to most of them, alas. Add to all this the fact that I'm a total Substack newbie, still figuring out how notes differ from posts (!) and there you go, you just wrote out loud what I've been ruminating on for days.
Well, now you know that you are not alone! We are all trying to figure things out and we were all newbies at one point!
What do I fear the most? I fear not succeeding. I fear what if I'm stuck here the rest of my life. So that fear has paralyzed me to give a full effort. This year it's been a lot of tipping my toes in instead of jumping right now and staying in. But I know that fear is only in my mind. I know that fear isn't true. So that's what I'm working on right now.
I can so relate to this! Especially when we’re at the beginning with no consistent money coming in - it’s easy to lament and wonder “is this it?”
And it will be if we ignore the taps and don’t lean into our curiosity or follow the paths that seem to be parting in front of us. 💕
This was a fantastic post and exactly what I needed to read to get me excited to start creating today.
I think my biggest fear and what stalls me the most is thinking someone else has already done it and done it better. I used to spend hours scrolling through socials seeing what all my colleagues had achieved and telling myself there was no point trying because there was no way I would be able to do it better.
I have found the antidote is to avoid all social media, which it turns out has been healthier for me in so many different ways. Being able to pop on substack instead and read relatable and encouraging posts like this is such a relief, so thank you. Today I am going to be brave enough to suck.
This used to stop me too. I now visual the bread aisle and think about how there isn’t just one loaf of bread. Or one maker of milk.
Even if it’s done before, we can put our spin on it. If anything, it proves there is a market for it! Which is a great thing!
And you’re so right, we need to spend time being ‘makers’ not ‘consumers’. 💕💕
Cheers to being awkward and trying new things!🥂
🥂So nice to know I’m not the only one! Cheers! 😊
I read BIG MAGIC many years ago and though I know its wisdom, I find that it's *still* so challenging to practice as a writer.
Every time I click "Publish" over on my Substack (Human/Mother), I feel like I'm diving through the sky, frantically looking for the button to release my parachute.
It's the love and encouragement from readers-their likes, comments, messages-that help me find my feet on the ground again and is the fuel that keeps me seeking for that adventure, that vulnerability, that freedom.
I pressed "Publish" last night on this one and am still freefalling:
https://katrinadonhamwrites.substack.com/p/snake-night?r=3cnvg1
So well said. I wonder if we will ever get used to putting a part of ourselves out there?
From what I've heard from seasoned writers, the answer is no. Ha.
For years, I avoided being scared of anything, and then I married a man with "Sine Metu" tattooed down his rib cage. It means "Without fear". And while it has always been the mantra of his life, it became a bit of a tease for mine too. What would it look like to operate without fear - of repercussions, of reactions, of failure. Frankly, I still suck at it for the most part, but I've built a small, but not silent muscle that seems to be growing. So, I love your question and your share.
What am I scared to suck at? I've always wanted to start a podcast, but I know how much work it is and how hard it is to attract an audience, and how much money it takes to sustain. More than all of that, I'm just afraid no one would listen, which might crush me.
I love the idea of the muscle slowly growing! I feel like I’m there too. Like it wants to grow….if I let it.
I love the idea of a podcast. Perhaps start with recording a voice over or a little casual chat at the end?
Have a listen to Anna McKenzie’s format. It’s really cool.
I believe in you Jess!
My husband is dedicated and just plows forward. It’s good to have that kind of energy around us. 😊
Exactly! Like is there protein powder or creatine or something for the failure muscle? I could use an accelerant. 🤣 Thank you for the suggestion! I will definitely check out Anna’s with and commit to at least getting curious 👀 about What it might be to put my voice out there.
Let me know when you do it! I’ll cheer you on! Drop me a DM.
Also I need that accelerant too! I find I fizzle out when I’m suuuuper close to the end. The perfections gets me. 🙈
Oooh…the fizzle. That’s tough. I feel like maybe what I need is pre workout. I psyche myself out before I ever even get started. Thanks for the promise of support!
Wow Mika, it's like you've gotten in my head and written down some of what the little voices whisper to me 😄
I struggle immensely with not being perfect in anything I do, and it's been a huge barrier to discovering the things I enjoy sooner. It is uncomfortable to be bad at something, but we all have to start somewhere, thanks for sharing this beautiful piece! 😊
I love to be light and breezy and to go with the flow. Yet, when it comes to putting myself out there, I get those little voices too!
Here’s to overcoming them and taking the first scary step! 💕💕
Now here is something to put me to shame - a graphic designer writing so much better than someone who calls herself a writer (i.e. me). My only solace could be that I can make better graphics than her (which will be never). Really enjoyed reading this Mika, it’s soul warming.
Your comment is so so lovely! Thank you so much! You’re the best!
This is a very good title for a post.
Thank you. I played around with.A LOT of versions. It felt like an accurate description of the monkey on my back that I’m trying to get off.
I feel you, Mika. Sometimes as a writer, we keep iterating to find the right set of words to depict the true essence. I appreciate that :)
It can be difficult to craft a newsletter, only to feel like the headline lets it down. So it can take a bit of time, but when I find it, it’s super satisfying! Like this week’s newsletter. It took a lot of iterations - but when I finally chose “ultimate guide for mid-year planning”, it felt really good.
You are right. Maybe it just comes with time. Like any other skill you develop, this is also one of it.