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I was at the playground looking after my friend’s kids when the almost five-year-old leapt from the platform to catch the first rung of the monkey bars and fell. I rushed to him, but he just smiled, climbed back up and tried again. After many failed attempts, he finally made it across! Then, without hesitation, he went straight back to the beginning. This time, he fell even harder, yet he kept getting back up to give it another go. I was so impressed, he didn’t care how many times he fell, he just kept kept going.
Some people love trying something new.
The challenge! The growth!
I’m don’t know if I’m one of them. (Or maybe I want to be?)
I decided to step out of my comfort zone recently and indulged in my husband’s hobby by getting behind the wheel on a race track. While the cars around me were reaching max speeds of 200 km/h (120 mph), I managed to muster up the courage to hit 130 km/h (80 mph). It was exhilarating, but I felt completely out of my depth.
Growing up as the only girl among three brothers, we often went go-karting. I revelled in pushing the accelerator to the floor on the straights and skidding around the corners. But I quickly realised that my aggressive driving style wouldn't cut it on a real race track! There’s this thing called the “racing line” that helps you get in and out of a corner as fast as possible, and let me tell you, it’s harder than it sounds!
On the track, cars weren’t allowed to overtake on the corners, only on the straights. So, while I was trying to figure out my speed, how much to brake, and how to navigate the racing line, cars would pile up behind me. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t embarrassed.
This experience made me realise something profound: I rarely put myself in situations where I’m the new kid on the block, and quite frankly, bad at something.
For years, I thrived in a comfortable job where I excelled. Our meals at home consisted of dishes I could cook with my eyes closed, and although my Zumba class was a tad more challenging than most, I quickly got used to the steps after attending every week for years. My life was busy and mostly predictable. I didn’t exactly seek out opportunities to embarrass myself!
Then, I left my job. Suddenly, I was trying new things, like Substack and racing cars!! Or trying reformer Pilates for the first time and feeling utterly awkward with my feet in straps and my bum in the air! (Sorry for that visual!)
You see, I don’t like feeling awkward. I don’t like being bad at something. Deep down, I want to be good straight away. But then I remember the times I went in the wrong direction when I first started Zumba or my amateur designs when I was still learning.
Doesn’t every concert pianist start by fumbling through the notes?
"The expert in anything was once a beginner." – Helen Hayes
Surely every talented chef has burnt many dishes (and possibly themselves)?
"Every master was once a disaster." – T. Harv Eker
And doesn’t every great writer begin with pages of poorly written drafts?
"The scariest moment is always just before you start." – Stephen King
I guess I have to embrace being bad, to fumble, and to be slow. I have to stop caring what others think; it’s the only way to grow, to learn, and to uncover the amazing possibilities that lie ahead. Only by letting go of fear and embracing awkwardness can I truly discover what I’m capable of.
At the track, I didn’t know how much more embarrassment I could take. But thankfully, I pushed through and kept going, lap after lap after lap. My husband was surprised at how eager I was and really proud of me. You see, that’s the beauty of momentum; we just have to start and then push through the awkwardness.
So, here’s to having the courage to start something new, even when it scares us.
Here’s to finally leaning into that persistent idea that keeps popping up again and again.
Here’s to being bad, awkward, and feeling out of place.
Because, in the end, that’s where our fears are conquered and where the most meaningful and surprising growth happens!
What fears are holding you back?
For me, I would love to do some sort of book club for “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert but am afraid to take on anything extra right now. And the recurring dream is to creating uplifting physical art/musings and design a planner/workbook/group for ADHD women - but it just feels too big and maybe I’m afraid of making the wrong decision or that it will be bad.
Now, it’s your turn (if you feel like sharing), what fears are holding you back?
“Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear” was hands down the most recommended book at this month’s community discussion about books.
I don’t know how I missed this book, but I believe a book comes into your life at the right time.
This hit hard and convinced me I needed to buy the book so I can highlight everything!:
“Let me list for you some of the many ways in which you might be afraid to live a more creative life:
You’re afraid you have no talent.
You’re afraid you’ll be rejected or criticized or ridiculed or misunderstood or—worst of all—ignored.
You’re afraid there’s no market for your creativity, and therefore no point in pursuing it.
You’re afraid somebody else already did it better.
You’re afraid everybody else already did it better.
You’re afraid somebody will steal your ideas, so it’s safer to keep them hidden forever in the dark.
You’re afraid you won’t be taken seriously.
You’re afraid your work isn’t politically, emotionally, or artistically important enough to change anyone’s life.
You’re afraid your dreams are embarrassing.
You’re afraid that someday you’ll look back on your creative endeavors as having been a giant waste of time, effort, and money.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of discipline.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of work space, or financial freedom, or empty hours in which to focus on invention or exploration.
You’re afraid you don’t have the right kind of training or degree.
You’re afraid you’re too fat. (I don’t know what this has to do with creativity, exactly, but experience has taught me that most of us are afraid we’re too fat, so let’s just put that on the anxiety list, for good measure.)
You’re afraid of being exposed as a hack, or a fool, or a dilettante, or a narcissist.
You’re afraid of upsetting your family with what you may reveal.
You’re afraid of what your peers and coworkers will say if you express your personal truth aloud.
You’re afraid of unleashing your innermost demons, and you really don’t want to encounter your innermost demons.
You’re afraid your best work is behind you.
You’re afraid you never had any best work to begin with.
You’re afraid you neglected your creativity for so long that now you can never get it back.
You’re afraid you’re too old to start.
You’re afraid you’re too young to start.
You’re afraid because something went well in your life once, so obviously nothing can ever go well again.
You’re afraid because nothing has ever gone well in your life, so why bother trying?
You’re afraid of being a one-hit wonder.
Did you see yourself in any of those?
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What a good question. Which means, hell yes! you are Better than good enough, and who says that you do suck? Life is such a carnival, and so much relies on our own self-concept. You're far out and fine, Mika. You got this.
Sooooo much to pull from this amazing piece Mika. I dream of walking away from my day job but I am 100% standing in my own way ... Mostly, I guess because of the unknown!
Also Big Magic has been on my book shelf all year, every month I intend to pick it up and still haven't. Perhaps you are right, it will come to me at the right time ! Thank you for this, as always so thought provoking 🙏