I've never known what I want to be when I grow up (and I'm 60 now!) I've never had a Grand Passion - but I have lots of little interests, I've had several career changes, I retired early and now I think I've discovered what living is really all about - and it's not about a job, that for me was a means to an end. The end is this delightful time of doing life on my own terms and on my own timetable - so you're not a unicorn, and life just keeps getting better and better (trust me!) :)
I think if you put your nose to the grindstone and do what needs doing when you're younger - even if it feels like 'work' and not 'your dream job' - then you end up debt-free sooner and your world opens up in new ways that you never expected.
Love this post and this conversation in the comments Mika and Leanne 💛 I never had a clue what I wanted to do when I grew up. I ended up as an accountant pretty much by accident and caught the ambition bug, got to a senior position with a good salary and then gave it up to be an illustrator full time. But I couldn’t sustain the same earnings and after a while, drawing as my job put as much of a weight on me as the millstone I’d felt previously, I wanted the freedom to create wherever and whatever and whenever and not to a schedule. Having it feel like work made me sad. Now I’m back working as an accountant again in a less senior job and fewer hours, and I’m creating with freedom and joy. Yes I wish I didn’t have to work and that creativity would pay the bills, but not at the expense of the joy and freedom to do what I love when I choose.
I do appreciate you sharing your experience. Often we don’t hear the realities of being a creative. We see the YouTube video of “a day in the life in my art studio” and we dream of getting our work out there like they do.
You don’t see the pressure of getting a consistent income and what that do to the creativity or mental health.
Have you found a good balance between your accounting work and your illustrations?
Mika, I resonate with this post so much... I never knew what I wanted to do - and what I did want to do (write...) I never felt good enough or brave enough... honestly I think I felt embarrassed, like it was somehow laughable. Thank you for highlighting this... we ebb and flow and our passions and loves change as we grow.
I think there have been a lot of creatives who have set aside their passions and interests. All it has done is make them unhappy because they are denying part of what makes them truly happy. I even had to remind myself today that reading Substacks makes me happy. It’s not like scrolling mindlessly on YouTube shorts. So indulging in reading is a big tick in the happiness and wellness department! 📖
When I was a kid I wanted to become a cop, riding a horse. And did not like horses but they looked very cool. Then a Cop told me they need to do a lot of paper work, and I hated writing back then. Now I’m not even allowed to become a police, because of my ADHD.
Always a pleasure to find out I’m not alone in my experiences! I relate to this so much. I had to let go of my first career about 8 years ago. Then, I found an unexpected job which led to me finally attending college at 38. Changed my major in my last year and still, at 45, am grappling with the messiness and “what do I want to BE now?” Thank you for writing and sharing your insights!
It’s quite an unsettling feeling when the world tells you that you need to be on a path where you get a good income. What if you’re not on that particular path? I don’t want to spend any more time thinking that I should be chasing something. I’ve already done that for half my life. I want something different.
So true! It has been a chase, mostly unknowingly. Thanks for more mind blowing insight!
I’ve certainly been practicing more self compassion these days after some hardship the last 2.5 years. I’m taking baby steps to continue self care (therapy, etc) find my love of creating and writing again, while also searching for how I am capable of being of service in the world. Then, we’ll see what unfolds. Mainly curiosity.
This resonates so deeply right right now! My work and personal lives are so tightly intertwined, that I'm struggling to see the wood from the trees. It's comforting to look at work and the idea/pipe dream of the 'perfect career' from this perspective. Thank you! :)
This is a thought provoking piece Mika! I believe in reinvention and it looks like this is what you ve been doing a few times! I so resonate with you in terms of enthusiasm! I know exactly you how it feels to fall in love with “applied creativity” - graphic design, publishing books and so on! The buzz, the adrenaline rush is intoxicating! Being able to follow your heart in terms of career is priceless and how amazing it is to discover the many talents within !
This is so good Mika! Every season can bring a passion alive! At 39 I wanted to take courses at a local college to learn manual skills on my camera (to take better pics of my children and the landscape) and ended up employed by a mentor/master teacher who after a year pushed me out the nest to get a web domain. I worked for over 20 years! I'm 63 now and onto a new passion of writing. Prior to all of this the seasons provided passions that involved being near my children like lots of gardening. I finally have time for some of that again and it serves as a beautiful reminder of children playing in the garden. Never stop thinking "what do I want to be when I grow up?!" It's a journey ✨and one that guides us out of deep valleys and up to the mountain top. (even small hills). 🙌🏻
Beautiful Deborah. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I love that you continue to lean on what makes you happy and enjoying each season as it comes. ✨✨
Beautiful! The thing is that we are continuously growing up, there is no set date when we are officially proclaimed as 'grown ups.' We should be ok with letting go of the societal norms that often tell us what we should do, how we should feel and what is the best (career) for us.
My sister is 11 years older than me and has always been in the "what do I want to be when I grow up?" phase, and I think that's made it easier for me to normalise not having it all figured out like it was suggested we should by the time we finished school... let alone in my 40s! I love your way of looking at it, such a good way of thinking about it all! I do know what I want to be doing now, and it's bringing me so much joy that I hope it's what I'm happy doing for a long time, but if it stops being my kind of thing it doesn't stress me out these days because I'll figure out what could come next if and when I need to!
I’m so so glad that you are in a good place and love what you’re doing!
Do you ever link how financially viable the thing is to define whether it is a worthwhile pursuit? I know that’s been some thinking I’m trying to untangle from.
That's what I've been doing the past few years. I lost my previous career to chronic health issues (the severity of it triggered by the job itself) and I'm on a very slow road to rebuilding a career. I'm currently earning very little, and it'll probably take years to get to where I was income wise before, but all the other benefits of working towards building a career in something that is better for my health and gives me a far better quality of life is worth it. I do still have the wobbles around the idea of "success" and that until it feels properly financially viable I'm not successful, but I'm trying to recognise that actually sticking with something I enjoy through the time it takes me to build it into what I want to be is a success in itself!
A confession: The Element by Ken Robinson has been sitting on my bookshelf for years. And I actually never heard of this book anywhere on the internet in all these years. I actually felt it to be some obscure self-help book. I bought it at a discount sale somewhere. And I never read it. Not yet. But now seeing a writer like you reference it made me take an interest in it. Big thanks!
When I was 11 years old, my grandfather asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I responded “a basketball player.” I remember he was disappointed.
Looking back, it’s pretty funny. Asking an 11 year old about their career aspirations. My aspiration to play professional basketball. [I’m 5’6” and wasn’t quite good enough to make my HS JV team] My grandfather’s disappointment (He wasn’t a sports guy. He was an immigrant who saw that sports were important to Americans so although he didn’t have much money he hired someone to play catch with my father when my father was a young boy). I mean, why be disappointed at the career aspirations of an 11 year old? Truck driver, basketball player, scientist, firefighter, etc. what difference does it make? Might as well have said “I’d like to live on Pluto.” It’s just a game. Have fun with it!
I love the idea of having fun with it and just seeing it as a game.
Gosh, the pressure I put on myself as a teenager was immense! Imagine time travelling back and giving our younger self some advice like “go and pursue basketball if it makes you happy” or “just chose some subjects that you enjoy, there are jobs that don’t even exist now, so no need to stress too much about choosing a career”
I always thought I would know what I wanted to be by college, then I kept moving the needle. Maybe by the end of college, maybe when I'm 30, maybe when I'm 40. I'm past all of those milestones. Right now, I'm going back to a dream I've always had--writing. That's not what's paying the bills yet, but I'm hope to get there. 😊
When you’re at high school trying to work out “what you want to do when you grow up” is so hard as at the age of 16 who really knows?
Plus nowadays there’s so many jobs which didn’t even exist back in the day, I remember being advised by my career officer to either go into teaching or work in a bank.
I remember doing two weeks work experience at a school and soon realised that wasn’t going to work for me, as I really didn’t enjoy being around children, only a mild challenge 🤣
Makes me want to go be a high school career advisor, so I can dish out advice like, “follow what you enjoy, because we have no idea what jobs are going to be available when you start working!”
We need to do more work experience so we can cross careers off our list! 😆
Mika, have you eavesdropped on my mental chatter lately lol...
I gave up on the notion of the single perfect career or dream years ago since I kept changing jobs. I'm in the tech field and things are changing rapidly. But I know what i want in general: a life where i can write to share my thoughts to improve humanity and raise collective awareness, while still being in tech world. As i grew older, i hold the baseline to be able to say no to opportunities that don't align with my vision. But the rest, i enjoy how life unfolds.
Congrats on doing the work to figure out what aligns with you and what doesn’t.
I did this awhile ago, and while it can sometimes be frustrating, because it doesn’t EXACTLY tell me all the details, it does help me to move away from opportunities that could distract me.
I've never known what I want to be when I grow up (and I'm 60 now!) I've never had a Grand Passion - but I have lots of little interests, I've had several career changes, I retired early and now I think I've discovered what living is really all about - and it's not about a job, that for me was a means to an end. The end is this delightful time of doing life on my own terms and on my own timetable - so you're not a unicorn, and life just keeps getting better and better (trust me!) :)
I just love this!
Do you think it helped to not have the pressure of the career and making money weighing you down?
Sounds like you’re really embracing and loving life!
I think if you put your nose to the grindstone and do what needs doing when you're younger - even if it feels like 'work' and not 'your dream job' - then you end up debt-free sooner and your world opens up in new ways that you never expected.
Gosh, I would love to read your version of “advice I would give my younger self” 💕
Love this post and this conversation in the comments Mika and Leanne 💛 I never had a clue what I wanted to do when I grew up. I ended up as an accountant pretty much by accident and caught the ambition bug, got to a senior position with a good salary and then gave it up to be an illustrator full time. But I couldn’t sustain the same earnings and after a while, drawing as my job put as much of a weight on me as the millstone I’d felt previously, I wanted the freedom to create wherever and whatever and whenever and not to a schedule. Having it feel like work made me sad. Now I’m back working as an accountant again in a less senior job and fewer hours, and I’m creating with freedom and joy. Yes I wish I didn’t have to work and that creativity would pay the bills, but not at the expense of the joy and freedom to do what I love when I choose.
I do appreciate you sharing your experience. Often we don’t hear the realities of being a creative. We see the YouTube video of “a day in the life in my art studio” and we dream of getting our work out there like they do.
You don’t see the pressure of getting a consistent income and what that do to the creativity or mental health.
Have you found a good balance between your accounting work and your illustrations?
Very well put, Leanne
Agreed! 55 and loving the space and time I've found.
Mika, I resonate with this post so much... I never knew what I wanted to do - and what I did want to do (write...) I never felt good enough or brave enough... honestly I think I felt embarrassed, like it was somehow laughable. Thank you for highlighting this... we ebb and flow and our passions and loves change as we grow.
I think there have been a lot of creatives who have set aside their passions and interests. All it has done is make them unhappy because they are denying part of what makes them truly happy. I even had to remind myself today that reading Substacks makes me happy. It’s not like scrolling mindlessly on YouTube shorts. So indulging in reading is a big tick in the happiness and wellness department! 📖
Life is all about now. Those 5-yr and 10-yr plans don’t work anymore and I wish more people understood that. Great piece, Mika.
Yes! The world constantly shifts and new opportunities, that were never there before, appear - like Substack!!
When I was a kid I wanted to become a cop, riding a horse. And did not like horses but they looked very cool. Then a Cop told me they need to do a lot of paper work, and I hated writing back then. Now I’m not even allowed to become a police, because of my ADHD.
I become a illustrator instead. Hihi 😊
What a journey!! I dont know if I had a dream career growing up. But I loved make believe detectives, cooking show host and banker. 😆
Always a pleasure to find out I’m not alone in my experiences! I relate to this so much. I had to let go of my first career about 8 years ago. Then, I found an unexpected job which led to me finally attending college at 38. Changed my major in my last year and still, at 45, am grappling with the messiness and “what do I want to BE now?” Thank you for writing and sharing your insights!
It’s quite an unsettling feeling when the world tells you that you need to be on a path where you get a good income. What if you’re not on that particular path? I don’t want to spend any more time thinking that I should be chasing something. I’ve already done that for half my life. I want something different.
How are you making sense of it all?
So true! It has been a chase, mostly unknowingly. Thanks for more mind blowing insight!
I’ve certainly been practicing more self compassion these days after some hardship the last 2.5 years. I’m taking baby steps to continue self care (therapy, etc) find my love of creating and writing again, while also searching for how I am capable of being of service in the world. Then, we’ll see what unfolds. Mainly curiosity.
I have been leaning into curiosity and sometimes it feels amazing and sometimes it feels so confusing.
I am proud of myself for being patient and not rushing to the next big thing that someone is advertising - hustling for worthiness.
I’m trying to separate my work from the dollar.
I’ll let you know how I get on! 😄
Yes, less hustling! Do it for the play and joy, rather than worthiness. Oh, I look forward to reading more about your journey.
This resonates so deeply right right now! My work and personal lives are so tightly intertwined, that I'm struggling to see the wood from the trees. It's comforting to look at work and the idea/pipe dream of the 'perfect career' from this perspective. Thank you! :)
You’re so welcome. I’m glad you found it useful!
Why yes I am. Music has always been my passion and yet it is hard to really get into.
This is a thought provoking piece Mika! I believe in reinvention and it looks like this is what you ve been doing a few times! I so resonate with you in terms of enthusiasm! I know exactly you how it feels to fall in love with “applied creativity” - graphic design, publishing books and so on! The buzz, the adrenaline rush is intoxicating! Being able to follow your heart in terms of career is priceless and how amazing it is to discover the many talents within !
It’s such a journey. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. I think the more we share, the more we come to understand it’s completely normal!
This is so good Mika! Every season can bring a passion alive! At 39 I wanted to take courses at a local college to learn manual skills on my camera (to take better pics of my children and the landscape) and ended up employed by a mentor/master teacher who after a year pushed me out the nest to get a web domain. I worked for over 20 years! I'm 63 now and onto a new passion of writing. Prior to all of this the seasons provided passions that involved being near my children like lots of gardening. I finally have time for some of that again and it serves as a beautiful reminder of children playing in the garden. Never stop thinking "what do I want to be when I grow up?!" It's a journey ✨and one that guides us out of deep valleys and up to the mountain top. (even small hills). 🙌🏻
Beautiful Deborah. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I love that you continue to lean on what makes you happy and enjoying each season as it comes. ✨✨
Beautiful! The thing is that we are continuously growing up, there is no set date when we are officially proclaimed as 'grown ups.' We should be ok with letting go of the societal norms that often tell us what we should do, how we should feel and what is the best (career) for us.
Here’s to letting to of societal norms and leaning into what makes us feel alive.
What’s meant for us is already on its way! ✨
My sister is 11 years older than me and has always been in the "what do I want to be when I grow up?" phase, and I think that's made it easier for me to normalise not having it all figured out like it was suggested we should by the time we finished school... let alone in my 40s! I love your way of looking at it, such a good way of thinking about it all! I do know what I want to be doing now, and it's bringing me so much joy that I hope it's what I'm happy doing for a long time, but if it stops being my kind of thing it doesn't stress me out these days because I'll figure out what could come next if and when I need to!
I’m so so glad that you are in a good place and love what you’re doing!
Do you ever link how financially viable the thing is to define whether it is a worthwhile pursuit? I know that’s been some thinking I’m trying to untangle from.
That's what I've been doing the past few years. I lost my previous career to chronic health issues (the severity of it triggered by the job itself) and I'm on a very slow road to rebuilding a career. I'm currently earning very little, and it'll probably take years to get to where I was income wise before, but all the other benefits of working towards building a career in something that is better for my health and gives me a far better quality of life is worth it. I do still have the wobbles around the idea of "success" and that until it feels properly financially viable I'm not successful, but I'm trying to recognise that actually sticking with something I enjoy through the time it takes me to build it into what I want to be is a success in itself!
A confession: The Element by Ken Robinson has been sitting on my bookshelf for years. And I actually never heard of this book anywhere on the internet in all these years. I actually felt it to be some obscure self-help book. I bought it at a discount sale somewhere. And I never read it. Not yet. But now seeing a writer like you reference it made me take an interest in it. Big thanks!
It’s a lovely book. My daughter used to have it in her room for a long time, because it gave her a lot of comfort. She was so young as well.
When I was 11 years old, my grandfather asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I responded “a basketball player.” I remember he was disappointed.
Looking back, it’s pretty funny. Asking an 11 year old about their career aspirations. My aspiration to play professional basketball. [I’m 5’6” and wasn’t quite good enough to make my HS JV team] My grandfather’s disappointment (He wasn’t a sports guy. He was an immigrant who saw that sports were important to Americans so although he didn’t have much money he hired someone to play catch with my father when my father was a young boy). I mean, why be disappointed at the career aspirations of an 11 year old? Truck driver, basketball player, scientist, firefighter, etc. what difference does it make? Might as well have said “I’d like to live on Pluto.” It’s just a game. Have fun with it!
I love the idea of having fun with it and just seeing it as a game.
Gosh, the pressure I put on myself as a teenager was immense! Imagine time travelling back and giving our younger self some advice like “go and pursue basketball if it makes you happy” or “just chose some subjects that you enjoy, there are jobs that don’t even exist now, so no need to stress too much about choosing a career”
I always thought I would know what I wanted to be by college, then I kept moving the needle. Maybe by the end of college, maybe when I'm 30, maybe when I'm 40. I'm past all of those milestones. Right now, I'm going back to a dream I've always had--writing. That's not what's paying the bills yet, but I'm hope to get there. 😊
I can so relate to the idea of moving the needle! 😆 I love how you put that.
I think a lot of us are returning to a love and connecting with other like-minded souls.
How awesome is this space!
Congrats on returning to your dream!
When you’re at high school trying to work out “what you want to do when you grow up” is so hard as at the age of 16 who really knows?
Plus nowadays there’s so many jobs which didn’t even exist back in the day, I remember being advised by my career officer to either go into teaching or work in a bank.
I remember doing two weeks work experience at a school and soon realised that wasn’t going to work for me, as I really didn’t enjoy being around children, only a mild challenge 🤣
Makes me want to go be a high school career advisor, so I can dish out advice like, “follow what you enjoy, because we have no idea what jobs are going to be available when you start working!”
We need to do more work experience so we can cross careers off our list! 😆
Mika, have you eavesdropped on my mental chatter lately lol...
I gave up on the notion of the single perfect career or dream years ago since I kept changing jobs. I'm in the tech field and things are changing rapidly. But I know what i want in general: a life where i can write to share my thoughts to improve humanity and raise collective awareness, while still being in tech world. As i grew older, i hold the baseline to be able to say no to opportunities that don't align with my vision. But the rest, i enjoy how life unfolds.
I love this so much!
Congrats on doing the work to figure out what aligns with you and what doesn’t.
I did this awhile ago, and while it can sometimes be frustrating, because it doesn’t EXACTLY tell me all the details, it does help me to move away from opportunities that could distract me.