A lot has happened since I left my job in May 2023. There’s a lot you don’t know, and I’m excited to share a glimpse behind the scenes.
Navigating Change and Uncertainty
A year ago, I followed my gut and left my corporate job as an in-house graphic designer. It’s one of the most courageous things I’ve done in a long time. I didn't have a neatly mapped-out plan waiting for me on the other side; I just knew that I needed to make space for “something else”.
Instead of a farewell party and heartfelt goodbyes, my last week of work took an unexpected turn. I found myself boarding a plane to be by my mother's side as she faced an unexpected operation following a sudden cancer diagnosis.
I was so grateful to be with her, especially when I needed to extend my stay after complications from the operation and a stressful visit to the Emergency Department. My mother recovered from her second surgery and I flew home, returning periodically to share the load with my siblings during her chemo treatment.
(My mother is doing great, she’s a positive force for good (spreading her love through her Japanese cooking), always keeping her brain busy (she’s in her late 70’s and decided to do online university papers…continuing through her chemo treatment) and recent scans were all clear!)
Reevaluating Success and Happiness
After things settled down, I felt adrift, lacking routine, and struggling to find motivation. I found myself grappling with my own sense of purpose and direction.
The comfort and stability that once came with a job, the routine of each day, the ease of filling out "occupation" on forms, and confidently answering the question “what do you do?”, vanished overnight.
Without a steady income and clear direction, I found myself questioning whether I was a freelancer, entrepreneur, or simply unemployed?!
Louisa Wah said in her post “Why Do We Struggle to Find Our True Self?”:
“From the moment we are born, we are handed a roadmap to follow. We are told that older folks have walked on this path and it worked for them. So all we have to do is to follow the same path.”
My husband was an incredible source of support throughout this journey, and miraculously, we've managed to make ends meet financially. So why didn't I feel like I hit the jackpot? Didn't I just attain the elusive holy grail of “time”? Instead, I felt like I found my Achilles' heel.
I found myself getting to the end of the day and feeling bad if I didn’t do everything I thought I should do. There was so much pressure to tackle ALL the things I didn’t have time to do when I was working.
I created a prison for myself. And I was the judge, prisoner and guard.
Stephanie Jucar Cooley said it best:
“I hadn’t realized how much I believed in a warped view of a “successful”, hard earned life. We push ourselves too far to earn a false sense of the right to happiness. We are inundated with the mentality that if you’re not working hard enough, then you’re doing it wrong. We live in a society that celebrates high functioning achievers, busyness, and a “work hard, play hard” mindset.”
Finding Grace, Balance and Gratitude
Thankfully, things started to turn around. It took some time, but the following made all the difference:
Releasing the guilt and shame of being an able-bodied person who is not bringing in a steady income
Accepting that I am in the middle of the story and it’s ok if I don’t know the ending yet
Reading, journalling and meditating to untangle worth from making money
Enjoying a realistic daily schedule that includes time for life admin, working on our family business, and (guilt free) play!
Replacing the feeling of lack (of not doing enough, earning enough, being enough) with gratitude (noticing and appreciating the little things and big things)
Leaning into and enjoying my passions: writing, building community/connection, and travelling and making memories.
I'm still navigating this journey, unsure of where it will lead. Maybe "something else" is all of this—the messy, uncertain path toward self-discovery.
Have you ever struggled with money and worth or struggled with being productive?
Gratitude spotlight: A special thank you to Patricia Krohn from The Adventure List for becoming my first paid subscriber. It was a lovely surprise!
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“Releasing the guilt and shame of being an able-bodied person who is not bringing in a steady income” is a big one. I think I have a lot of inherited baggage around this as well Mika 🥹🫶🏻 thank you for your openness and honesty! I appreciate you 💖
I really appreciate reading your perspective and struggles after leaving your job. I’m going to be in the same boat a couple of months down the line — I’m currently serving out my notice period, because I just knew that I was done with corporate life. I have no grand plans for what comes next, just a wide range of interests and projects that I’ve left off for “some day”.