Am I my worst enemy or biggest advocate?

When no means yes - to you

Please note: this is the first time doing a voiceover. There is a bit of clicking, so apologies in advance!

I had all these grand plans to go somewhere, find a quiet place and write! Just my laptop and I.

What actually ended up happening, was me running around returning Christmas crackers that we didn’t end up needing, picking up things for my daughter’s water fight, and some snacks for my family.

And the crazy thing is….I volunteered for ALL OF IT!

I didn’t need to return the crackers today. In fact, my husband could have done it, because it was his work function that I got them for.

I didn’t need to help out with getting the things for the water fight, but I said I could do it since I was in the city.

I didn’t even need to get the snacks, but I volunteered because I was going to the shop to return the Christmas crackers.

Last weekend, I was extremely tired, and to be honest, a bit stressed. I was putting together a graphic design portfolio for a project and for whatever reason, it just wasn’t flowing (which made it even more stressful). Then at that very moment, I remembered a challenge that I was given on a business group call. We were challenged to do something fun this week. So, I made the call to stop working on the portfolio. I ended up doing something I don’t usually do….I got into my pajamas (during the day!), hopped into bed and watched my favourite adaptation of Jane Eyre (the BBC version of course). It was so so good, I was in heaven! And guess, what! I woke up the next day with an idea of how to do the portfolio and I was able to finish it in no time at all!

Sometimes I wonder who advocates for us, if we don’t. Who tells us we need to take a break, if we don’t. Who tells us to delegate, if we don’t. Who tells us to priortise our own interests, hobbies, projects, health, FUN (I could literally go on and on), if we don’t.

I’m sure there are people who are really good at ensuring their life is balanced, not taking on too much, and making time for the important things.

And yes, sometimes, I do prioritise my needs - like when I made time for Jane Eyre.

But often, my autopilot seems to be, see a need, fill a need.

Knowing this about myself, I’ve started doing things a little bit differently.

One thing I never did before, was letting everyone know I need undisturbed time. The whole family are either working from home or on summer break at the moment. Knowing that I automatically respond to any need, I have started to send a group message to the family to say “please don’t disturb for an hour”.

I’ve started to schedule things in my calendar that I want to do, like my writing (after all the errands of this morning, I decided to move my writing to the afternoon - I didn’t end up leaving the house, but I still prioritised it). The idea is that when I feel like “filling a need”, I don’t automatically agree, I see if I can fit it in around those things that are important to me.

And I think that brings us to the crux of the matter!

We have to believe that our interests, hobbies, projects, health, and yes having fun, is important. So important that, shock horror, sometimes it may mean that someone’s needs might not be filled! (gasp!)

I’m know I’m making a joke of it, but seriously, in most cases, we are our own worst enemies.

But Mika, I hear you ask, if I don’t do it, no one will. Or everything will fall apart if I don’t do it, I don’t have any support. Or I want to jump off this treadmill, I just can’t. Or that’s very nice that you can ask for undisturbed time, but I can’t.

I get it, I don’t want to pretend like I have any idea of what is going on in your life and the unique challenges you face. I never said any of this was easy.

I guess my question to you is…..are you happy?

Are your family, work, friends getting the best version of you?

Or are they getting the frazzled, tired, distracted version? Always thinking, always trying to figure it all out.

I know that’s what my family often get. I wish it wasn’t and that’s why I’m trying to change.

My family LOVED seeing me come out in my pajamas all giddy with excitement about watching Jane Eyre. I was like a little kid.

I have a lifetime of “see a need, fill a need” programming to unravel. I know I don’t have all the answers of how I’m going to do it. Maybe it just starts with injecting a bit of fun. Scheduling it in. Prioritising it. Something that’s just for you and it doesn’t have to be big.

Things that need to get done, will get done.

The errands will be run.

Deadlines will be met.

The needs will be filled, because that is who you are.

But, as the saying goes, "see a need, fill a need," I’m just saying maybe we need to start seeing and filling our needs too.